From that moment on, I was on a life long mission to destroy, eliminate, perform magic, and completely make cellulite disappear from my body. I hated it! I hated myself for having it and thinking it was acceptable and ok to call myself a personal trainer and have this chunky dunk dimple on me legs! All that happiness and bliss I was experiencing with the vacation was over! No more wineries, pizza, adventures or anything that didn't involve some serious FAT BURNING exercising and dieting! (Not even kidding)
As far as I was concerned, anyone in the personal training or fitness industry was supposed to be flawless, perfect, looking like you just stepped off the cover of Oxygen or Women's Health and then they were supposed to tell the rest of us how to look like that. So this whole cellulite crap was completely unacceptable. No longer did I work out because I love my body and want to treat it with respect giving it the exercise and conditioning it needs to perform at its' best. Nope, now I worked out because I hated my body and wanted it to be something completely different then it was. Same thing with eating; I normally eat clean to give my body fuel and energy and to take care of it, but now it had turned in that I gave my body the least amount of food it could tolerate to function hoping that it would eat the cellulite out of starvation and then I would be fine.
I cut my calories down to about 1,000 calories a day (don't do that, it's very unhealthy!), I was running 4-5 miles a day on top of doing serious weight training 6 days a week. I took every supplement I knew of that was supposed to get rid of fat (legal and natural supplements that is) and no matter how hard I tried the stupid chunky dunk dimples on the back of my legs would not go away. I hated wearing a bathing suit, wearing shorts, wearing dresses, wearing anything that showed my legs because I was so focused on this one area I assumed that is all everyone else saw when they looked at me and my career was completely shot because nobody would ever train with a trainer who has her own cellulite. Then one day, I was reading a book by a trainer I highly respect (but do not mimic my training style after) who we all know, Jillian Michaels, and I got to a part in her book where she talked about how she has these dimples on her left but cheek a.k.a. cellulite that no matter how many workouts she does she just can't seem to get rid of them! Yessssssssss! Jillian Michaels has cellulite too! It's ok :)
As women we are already our own worst critics. We get a gray hair and we are already calling the hair stylist making an appointment or in the bathroom with tweezers ripping it out so nobody sees we aren't perfect. Or the opposite, we get in these "who hates themselves the most" conversations with friends as if we are trying to compete with how much we dislike ourselves with each other. Oh you think your thighs are bad!? Look at this!....Yes, well at least when you put on jeans you don't look like a busted can of Pillsbury biscuits...(think about that image)
We feel that we always have to make fun of ourselves, put on this image in whatever role we play in life as a mom, a banker, a trainer, a student, a girlfriend, a church leader, that we are perfect and we have no flaws and we never have days where we dislike ourselves or that we sit on the couch and eat an entire tub of ice cream because What would everyone else think if they saw the real you?!
Well, I have no idea what everyone else would think. I have no idea what you think now that I've let out my secret, but I can tell you that the more you love yourself and accept yourself the more everyone else will too. Can people see your gray hairs? Maybe. Do people notice your cellulite or muffin top? Maybe. Do people love you or like you less because of any of those things? No. Neither should you and even if they do then that is just a reflection of their own judgment of their own life so it doesn't matter anyways. While you are working out, think about what your motives are behind it. Are you doing it because you love your body and want to treat it respectfully by making positive changes? Or is it because you hate the way you look and you are punishing your body for all of its flaws?
Take your approach to health and fitness the same way you would approach a new born baby or a puppy (stick with me here). When you first get either one, they will pee and poop, cry or whine, want your attention all the time and get annoying at times, but that doesn't mean that just because of their flaws you will not still provide them with the best foods, the best clothes, the best hygiene, the best everything. You love them so your actions are totally based out of love and you ignore the flaws. Do the same thing for yourself! Ignore your flaws, because honestly flaws or what we call flaws are there to test how much we love ourselves. Will you still like who you are if you don't lose the 5 extra pounds? Will you still like yourself if you never get down to a size 4,6,8,10...? Will you still like who you are if you fall off the bandwagon and eat an entire bag of potato chips today or will you hate yourself and starve yourself for the next few days because of it? Think about it. View yourself through the eyes of a close loved one and see how much differently the world is for you.
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